Mental health articles

Development of empathy in the toddler
As the toddler’s internal sense of a loving protective parent grows he takes on the qualities that the mother or father has demonstrated and the infant has
experienced. The toddler develops empathy, an understanding of how an
experience is for the other, a reliable sense of right and wrong, and, eventually,
the toddler identifies with the values and morals of the particular family and
community. For example:
Maaike at 21 months was being minded by her grandmother. After feeding and changing Maaike, her grandmother sat down beside her and yawned. Looking up
into her grandmother’s face Maaike asked, ‘Tired Nanna?’
Development in the toddler years has an ebb and flow around the two
primary challenges of exploration and intimacy, and doing what pleases the
toddler and approval of the parents. For example, once mobile, the toddler
focuses on exploration, perfecting the skills required. Often around 18–20
months there is a period when the toddler displays heightened separation
anxiety, wanting closeness to the parent, resenting being separated, as if being
able to explore has made the toddler aware of the dangers involved. The toddler
wants the reassurance of the parent’s availability and protection as the
experience of separation becomes reality.
The toddler’s intrinsic need for the approval of those he is dependent on and
loves is how the toddler is socialised into the family and social context. With a quiet ‘no’ and serious look many toddlers will stop doing what they have been
told not to do, move away or return to the parent for a cuddle and comfort. As
stated previously, it is the cycle of disagreement–resolution–reconciliation,
which occurs repeatedly in the daily life of the toddler to a greater or lesser
extent, that is the cornerstone of the toddler’s psychological development.
Of course, as the toddler grows and is challenged in different ways, for
example, the birth of a sibling, the need to assert himself may intensify. However,
it is always on the basis of relationship that the toddler will most effectively
learn to inhibit inappropriate behaviour and impulsive physical urges.