Mental health articles

disciplining children around the world Disciplining children: what’s useful and what’s not
As a health worker, you should be able to advise parents on how to discipline their children. Of course, this would also be helpful for your own role as a parent! The points below should be acceptable to most parents, especially if you explain how they may help improve a child’s behaviour:
• Praise good behaviour. Say clearly what it is that you are praising and what you feel. For example, you may say “I see a whole page of homework done. I feel so happy”. This helps the child to praise herself by thinking “I am capable”.
• Be consistent. Stick to the rules you have made. Do not allow unacceptable behaviour one time, and
then expect it to be controlled another time. If you don’t like a behaviour, tell the child clearly why you
don’t like it and make sure that your rules apply each time the child misbehaves.
• Be sure that all adults treat the child the same way. A big problem is if the two parents treat the child’s
behaviour in different ways. The child will learn that if he misbehaves with one parent, the other will
come to his rescue. The parents must share the same way of disciplining the child.
• Be clear. Explain why you are upset and why you are disciplining the child. Be specific in your commands.
Commands should be one at a time. They should tell the child what to do rather than what not to do. For example, say “Please come home before 10 p.m.” instead of “Don’t come home late”.
• Be calm. Do not lose your temper. If parents lose their temper, then it will be very hard for the child to
learn how to deal with his own anger in a different way.
• Use ‘time out’. This means that when a child misbehaves she is told to go away (for example to another
room) and to come back only when she is calm, or after a fixed period of time (say, five minutes). It is
important to talk to the child after the time out period and discuss why she misbehaved and what she feels about it. Time out must be coupled with ‘time in’. This means playing with or listening to the child for some time every day.
• Deny privileges. For example, you can tell the child who is misbehaving that if he does not behave properly, he cannot watch the television on that day.
• Give short-term rewards. This can be done with ‘when–then’ statements, such as “When you have finished your food, then you can go out with your friends”.
• Spend time with the child talking about her feelings and hopes and fears, and share your own with the child. Treat your child as a loved and trusted friend.
• Do not use violence under any circumstances. A slap, even in extreme circumstances, will not help change the problem in the long term.

disciplining children around the world 
• Establish a ‘contract’ with the child. A ‘contract’ of behaviour and discipline between the parents and
child may help by clearly defining what is expected from the child and by getting both sides to agree to
the plan. In return for good behaviour, the parents could agree to give a specified reward, while for bad behaviour a specific action would be taken. This sort of plan can also help establish who has kept to their side of the deal and who has not.
• The key to discipline is showing love and respect for your child.

 

Related articles

• Tips for Properly Disciplining Children
• Children Bad Behavior Problems

Tags: children, disciplining children