parents with borderline personality disorder face specific issues

parents with borderline personality disorder face specific issues There is little research on parenting among individuals with borderline
personality disorder. However, problems with parenting in this group are often
seen clinically, and affect infant development, in particular, the development of
infant attachment and later behaviour problems.
Mothers with personality disorder face specific issues when they attempt to
nurture their infant. Many are anxious and others experience a sense of lack of
understanding of their baby. These parents who have experienced neglect or
trauma may be desperately hoping to establish a caring relationship with their
infant and hope to have their own emotional needs met by the infant. Mothers
with borderline personality disorder are at high risk of attachment and
relationship difficulties with their children and tend to have high rates of child
abuse, and consequent referral to child protection services.

Mothers with personality disorder may present at various times including
during pregnancy, the perinatal period and during infancy. Pregnancy may be a
difficult experience for the woman who is unsure how she will tolerate becoming
a parent, and ambivalent or mixed feelings are common. Some women,
particularly those who have experienced severe abuse, may find the physical
sensations of pregnancy unpleasant and find it hard to tolerate intimate
examinations. Delivery can also be very stressful experience. Mothers with
histories of neglect and abuse may find it hard to nurture their infant and may
have difficulties in understanding their infant’s communication. They find
negative emotions in the infant overwhelming and can find it hard to deal with
their own frustration and anxiety. Mothers with BPD are also likely to have
unstable partner relationships and dysfunctional relationships.
Experience of pregnancy
For a woman with borderline personality disorder, the transition to parenthood,
already a challenging process for most women , can be a traumatic experience. Pregnancy may occur as a result of impulsive sexual acts
and in the context of unstable or abusive relationships. The desire to become a
parent may be ambivalent and may involve conflicting motivations, such as the
desire to care, the need to be cared for and a compulsion to re-enact, or rework,
early traumatic attachment experiences.
Effect of unresolved trauma on parenting
For parents with borderline personality disorder, child rearing is difficult and
threatening, because of their own frightening experiences of the infant–parent
relationship. Many recall an early life characterised by rejection, devaluation and
inappropriate intrusion and insecurity (Ludolph et al., 1990; Zanarini,
Gunderson, Marino, Schwartz & Frankenburg, 1989). Many have experienced
trauma and abuse at the hands of attachment figures. Frequently, these early
traumas have not been resolved or processed, even in a rudimentary fashion, and
continue to affect all relationships, through either direct re-enactments of earlier
trauma, or reparative attempts to change disturbing relationship dynamics.
Relationship and attachment with the infant
The parent may find it difficult to promote attachment security in their infant
through consistent and empathic care. These parents find understanding and
responding to the infant’s emotional state difficult, and may misinterpret or
avoid the infant’s emotional communication. They may have a fundamental
difficulty in acknowledging the independent psychological existence of the
infant and be motivated by their own unresolved and traumatic attachment
issues.
Risk of child abuse
The traumatised parent may retraumatise her infant through insensitive,
inconsistent, frightening and confusing interactions (Beebe & Lachmann, 2002).
The parent is often unable to put these difficulties into words, is rapidly
overcome by frustration and anger, and has difficulty with the range and
intensity of emotions aroused in a relationship with a dependent infant.
Several patterns are observed in early infant–parent relationships. The infant
may be perceived as a good part of the parent’s self, to be protected from abuse,
or as the ‘bad’ part of self that deserves to be abused. At other times, the infant
becomes the persecutor, the original bad parent, and is attacked. These
psychological mechanisms are not conscious and the end result is a confusing
pattern of abuse, rejection and attempts at nurture. These parents show a lack of
empathy for the child—a failure to conceive of the infant as an individual being
with her own emotional experiences.