Mental health articles

relationship break up advice for men Students today tend not to be as desperate to fi nd a romantic partner, or certainly
a husband or wife, as in earlier eras. Still, many students do search for
sexual and romantic partners, and many students do form strong emotional
attachments. When their relationships break up, particularly if they have been
rejected, they can be left with feelings of shock, hurt, and rage. Not only are
most students relatively inexperienced at this—this may be the fi rst time their
hearts have been broken—but the person who rejected them may be living in
the same dormitory, and perhaps going out with someone new who lives right
next door. Oft en there’s no escape aft er a college romance fails. No wonder
romantic breakups are the precipitant of many suicidal crises.
Helping students survive breaking up oft en requires an exercise in crisis
management. Safety plans are, of course, necessary if the student feels suicidal,
and it may be necessary to enlist family or friends for support or to encourage
the student to go home for a weekend if he is unable to function. Students can
be asked about coping means that have worked in the past—writing thoughts
down, calling parents, e-mailing friends, playing music—and encouraged to
resort to these means again. Th erapists should try to restore students’ perspective,
reminding them that the current pain will not last forever, nor will
this failed relationship be their last opportunity to fi nd romance. At the same
time, it’s important to validate the intensity of students’ distress. Breaking up
is one of the most psychologically painful experiences of a lifetime, and so
students’ reactions are understandable.

Being rejected romantically can also take a toll on students’ self-esteem.
Th ey ask themselves, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I unlovable?” Th erapists
should explore this theme and point out the fallacy in the logic that
another’s acceptance or rejection should determine one’s self-worth. It sometimes
helps to give esteem-restoring homework assignments: “Your assignment
this weekend is to do anything you can to feel good about yourself.”
Oft en, students whose relationships have ended are loath to talk about anything
else. If left to their own devices, they would spend their entire course
of treatment revisiting what happened, ruminating about the motives of the
other person, and fantasizing about a reconciliation or revenge. While the
brokenhearted do need an opportunity to vent their feelings, it is not therapeutically
constructive for them to endlessly pick over the failed relationship.
Th e conversation should be widened in order to put the breakup in context.
What does this experience remind the student of from her past? How has she
dealt with misfortunes before? What does he still value in himself and in his
life? What else is he looking forward to in the future? Such questions can take
a student out of the immediate torment of the breakup and lead to greater
perspective and emotional relief.