Mental health articles

Roommate Problems Roommate problems can be as intense in their own way as romantic vicissitudes. Students have high hopes for friendship with their roommates but then may fi nd that the other person comes from a very diff erent background and has very diff erent habits and values. Living in close quarters under the stress of academic pressure, sleeplessness, and noise heightens any potential tension. Roommates may squabble about playing loud music, keeping lights lit, cleaning bathrooms, borrowing clothing, or having boyfriends or girlfriends stay over, or about politics, religion, and morality. Th ey may interact with rejection, criticism, teasing, or cold silence. It can be hard living with another person. Sometimes two students who might well get along or become friends otherwise can become mortal enemies when shut in together in a confi ned dormitory dwelling. Helping students who have roommate problems again comes down to motivation, to the student’s acceptance of some responsibility for problems and for a solution. If the student is willing to make changes, then the relationship may get better. Th erapists can discuss and even role-play with students the basics of negotiation, communication, and assertiveness—expressing needs politely and directly, while listening to and respecting the roommate’s needs. Th e goal is compromise. If this plan doesn’t succeed, then the student can be advised to have an RA mediate, to spend more time out of the room and with friends, or, if those steps don’t work, to arrange for a room change.

All human relationships are, of course, infl uenced by the principals’ distorted
perceptions of each other based on earlier life experience, or transference
phenomena. Roommate relationships are no exception. Another useful
approach, therefore, is to help students discover ways they may be misjudging
their roommates, exaggerating their fl aws, or overreacting to minor or casual
off enses. If students can view their roommates in perspective, the relationship
is sure to improve.