Mental health articles

Self-awareness and self-assertion in the toddler
‘Toddlers are coping for the first time with a lifelong existential dilemma:
having to negotiate a balance between relying on others and doing their own
thing’ . Stern  makes the cogent point that the
essential issues of emotional development—trust, attachment, dependence, independence, control, autonomy, mastery, individuation and self-regulation are life-course issues . Stern maintains that the issues are not resolved at a
particular age or phase of development, but are constantly being reworked as the child develops and acquires new skills in other spheres of development and thus
challenges the parent to interact in different ways.
With the ability to crawl and walk, the infant is self-evidently a separate
person and will explore. Initially, the infant is content to crawl in a limited area, preferably where he can still see or hear the parent. Within this confined area it is possible to ensure that the infant ‘doesn’t get into things’ and is safe.
With walking and increasing competence with mobility, the toddler’s goal is
exploration in the fullest sense of the word, to acquire information from the
external world, to satisfy curiosity. If inside, once the toddler realises that a
cupboard can be opened, then that becomes a goal; once he can see a bench or table top, the toddler will reach for what is on the edge. Outside, the toddler will
explore the limits of the boundary and want to touch, perhaps taste, everything
that is within reach, with ignorance or complete disregard for possible danger.
A preverbal toddler can often be diverted from proceeding in one direction or
playing with a particular toy or object onto something else. In the second half of the second year diversion is less effective and there may be physical resistance.
With the beginning of language, ‘no’ will become the response to a request or
prohibition. The toddler’s sense of self is being asserted and the parent is
challenged to negotiate limit setting. ‘Me do it’ is the favourite phrase of a two year old. Asserting and satisfying oneself within an approving social context are
constantly being juggled in toddlerhood. As Lieberman (1993) describes,
‘Paradoxically, the toddler wants to please but also needs to risk parental anger and disappointment again and again. This is because being true to oneself becomes a compelling motive at this age. The cycle of disagreement, resolution
and reconciliation, occurring with greater or lesser intensity throughout the day, is a cornerstone of the toddler’s psychological growth’.
The toddler is able to explore and discover with abandon because he has an
awareness of the parent or caregiver’s physical and emotional presence, referred to as secure base behaviour (Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters & Wall, 1978). Toddlers learn to trust that other adults can substitute for the primary caregivers when the need arises.